October 1st, 2003 at 6:42 pm
what they really mean
Posted in: General
This is what the innocuous notice in the mailbox said:
“M>Trains intends to carry out essential maintenance to the tram tracks in Droop St between Geelong Road and Ballarat Rd… over one night on Wednesday 1st October.”
This is what it really meant:
Between the hours of 11.45 pm and 5.05 am have several trucks replete with big, bright swirly lights park outside my house and unload any amount of extremely noisy machinery in order for walkie talkie toting maintenance guys to dig a big hole only to fill it up again, making NO DISCERNABLE DIFFERENCE to the bleary-eyed outside observer (who actually feels she participated every step of the way in the process) when she went to inspect the outcome the next morning.
V tired now.
“Dear resident,
October 2nd, 2003 at 11:37 amM>Tram intends to move the tram tracks in Droop Street 5mm to the left, overnight on Wednesday. If you value your sleep, stay elsewhere that night.
Please be assured that we will endeavour to keep the noise as constantly loud as possible all night, by driving big bulldozers around. You have been warned. Flee now, run for your lives.
By the way, did I mention that my cousin sells double-glazing?”