the bad pants

A moment of pure terror in a changing room at Highpoint. Waltzed into the purveyor of jeans and selected the usual: straight cut, slim fit, black denim, size 10. And, hey, 20% off!! Just made the tedious trip out by tram worthwhile.
Decided to try them on with a couple of ‘possible’ new shirts. Into the change-room. Off with the old pants. On with the new. All going well. Until the zip. There’s no way these pants were expanding enough to encompass my middle. That’s strange. Perhaps they just need to stretch a bit. Nope. Still won’t go round.
Arrgh. How is this possible? It’s not so long since I bought new jeans, is it? I haven’t noticed that much expansion. And I can’t commit to a new jeans. These are my jeans.
Wait. I’ll take my tights off and see if the jeans fit. They’re pretty thick tights. Good plan. Off with the tights. On with the jeans. Still no good. Struggle to remove horrible jeans. Jeans pinch tender region on way off. Bad, bad jeans.
Re-robe. Launch self back into (a now uncertain) world of jeans. No longer complacent, I study the racks in greater detail. Make no assumptions – that was the last mistake.
Size 12. Fine. Try them on. Swimming in them. Hmmm. Based on prior calculations these jeans should fit. Is the world of jeans out to defy me? There seems to be no consistency in the volume increase. Am I never to wear jeans again?
Back to the first rack. View with suspicion. What’ s going on? Re-examine the initial pair. Ah ha!! Greater scrutiny reveals a size 8 masquerading as a size 10. Grrr. The world has righted itself once again. And I have new jeans.